Sunday, May 10, 2009

Changed my title

It appears that I am soon-to-be a single mom. This is a place I never thought I'd be and I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around it. Ironically, when I started this blog, I had no idea what I would write about, or who would be interested in my low-key, boring life. Well, I guess life handed me a "topic." The split is a mutual thing, and the reasons for the break-up are not scintillating or scandalous. We probably weren't a good match from the beginning. My greatest desire, at this point, is to do this in a way that is the least devastating for our children. My soon-to-be ex thinks we can work everything out without lawyers and file paper-work online. We're basically in agreement on the financial aspects and the child-care/custody stuff, but I'm still a bit skeptical that we're not going to need professional help. I would welcome comments.

1 comment:

Ms. J said...

I have been thinking about you, A LOT, ever since you posted this.

First, my loving advice . . . get an attorney. Please. Nothing is more expensive than regret. And when it comes to divesting of anything (money, hearts, marriage, home, yadda), nothing is ever simple. Seriously.

I think a couple of joint counseling sessions on co-parenting from here on out are a good idea - that way you and he will clear expectations of what you can and (more importantly) can NOT say in front of the kids, being consistent in rules, and so on. And how to deal with the kids ongoing questions and insecurities during this change.

People will give you that bullsh*t that "oh, kids are resillient." The point is that they shouldn't have to be.

My parents amicably split when I was 3. They did a FABULOUS job of co-parenting. They were a model of how to do it. Rule #1 was "Never critizize the other parent, no matter what." Rule #2 was "Consistency in rules" (okay, my Dad was a bit lax on nutrition, LOL). And Rule #3 was "parents shall attend all conferences and school events and sports thingys together and sit next to each other!!!" WHAT A BREATH OF FRESH AIR compared to my friends' divorced parents. My parents reasoned they would be in each other's lives so long as I was alive, so they'd best make it civil.

Let me know how I can support you - I am sure this is was a tough call. As you know, I am on rocky ground, too.